Do you focus on “The Gap” that is in between you and where you want to ultimately be? Or do you turn around and see the great progress made so far on your path to your desires?
Do you leverage and grow your strengths, or lament your weaknesses? Do you recognize challenges, evaluate their impact and determine a strategy or solution or do you spend your emotional and energy bank account compulsively in worry and anxiousness over issues you cannot control.
Take a moment and think about yourself in these circumstances. If you resonated with the first half of each question, you see the glass as half full. Congratulations! You are on your way to success and proactive positivism, not only your own, but probably that of your team and or family as well. If like many of us, you find yourself connecting to the second half of some of the questions, you see the glass as half empty, at least part of the time and are possibly struggling with expectations and attitude adjustment.
The Challenge:You have created or been given a plan to accomplish a complex goal or project. There are numerous steps in the plan with time lines and deadlines to meet. There is information you have to discover or processes you have to learn in order to move forward. In order to carry out the plan: a combination of organization, management and both personal & team building skills are required. The final result depends not only on your creativity, vision & brilliance but also upon written as well as oral communication skills. There are several people or teams of people upon whom you have to rely in order to complete the project or meet the goal. You will bump into stumbling blocks along the path to fruition. You will have to re-think some parts of the strategy; brainstorm and make changes to insure the project is accomplished with the most efficient methods and in a timely manner. This scenario applies to the most complicated business start-up project or growing a family and running a household on a budget.
Now: Choose Your Attitude!
Accomplishments vs. Overwhelming “To Dos” Half Full: Within your plan, you set smaller goals and celebrate each one with your self or your team as you accomplish them. This choice renews your energy and enthusiasm to continue the project and highlights your momentum, dwells on completions and builds your team. Half Empty: Get caught up in the bigger goal, the deadlines and the unknown information. Dwell on what is not done and the growing list of tasks at hand. This attitude saps your energy, paralyzes a team and causes procrastination to flourish.
Leverage Strengths vs. Lament Weaknesses Half Full: Discuss or review the tasks at hand. Determine what tools, skills and talents are required to accomplish them. Distribute the tasks according to the strengths of your team. If you are your own entity, attack the tasks that your strengths speak to and look for ways to delegate or barter to accomplish the rest. If those methods do not work, brainstorm an alternative method to accomplish the task that honors your strengths. This choice creates synergy, builds self-esteem and maintains the project’s momentum towards its goal. Half Empty: Discover all of the tasks that cannot be accomplished by the team at hand and allow yourself to be overwhelmed by the impossibility of it all. Dwell on your personal weaknesses or those of your team. Continually second-guess decisions and work quality. If being stuck is your goal, these attitude choices will insure the hardening of the cement!
Recognize A Challenge vs. Compulsive Emotion/Energy Expense Half Full: A stumbling block/problem arises that is out of your control; you take a deep breath and see it as a challenge. You review the issues and determine the severity of the block, and its impact on the project. Along with your team, you discover the best strategy to minimize any negative impact and overcome the challenge. You create a method or procedure to insure the challenge does not arise again. This choice costs a few steps back and a reevaluation of the time line but you move on and past it with a sigh and possibly a stronger team! Half Empty: The same block arises; you allow yourself to view it emotionally as an insurmountable catastrophe. You expend an immense amount of energy worrying about the possible impacts, the potential losses and how people will respond to it. You assume the worst and are sure the project is doomed to failure and you will lose face or your job. You lose sleep over the problem and become anxious and unable to think clearly. Your lack of clarity causes you to compound the problem, creating a worse dilemma. With this attitude, you lose it!
The Coaching Challenge:What attitude do you choose? Do you react or do you respond to the world around you? My challenge to you is to become aware of your attitude choices. Notice when your attitude is slipping or ask a trusted friend or partner or coach to gently help you see the times your choice is leaning towards the half empty. Ask yourself questions about your negative reaction. What is the payback? Once you have developed awareness and determined the payoff, look at possibilities and the paybacks for responding with a positive attitude. Remember, whatever you decide, your attitude is always your choice!
Respond don’t React.
Better Choices, Better Results!
Namaste
Kevin Brough
The Art of Listening
Have you heard the saying? “We have two ears and one mouth to let us know that we should listen twice as much as we speak.”—unknown
One of the most important skills to hone as a coach of executives and individuals is the ability to listen. Listening is not only about the words, but also about meanings spoken and not spoken, the tone of the voice, the speed with which the person expresses themselves, the breathing patterns, eye movements, energy patterns of light vs darkness, and the volume of and specific words that are chosen. Each aspect brings something to the table of understanding and learning. The acuity developed to make these observations is the greatest tool I have to guide my clients to a better life.
Becoming a good listener can improve your employment,promotion and relationship opportunities.
Everyone wants to be heard. We all have opinions and ideas that often need a listener to help them grow to maturity. Sometimes it may be that it helps us feel respected or valued when we are heard by another. There are many varied reasons why being heard is important for us. Think about the people in your life and work. With whom would you rather be stranded on an island or any place for that matter: a thoughtful listener and communicator or one that speaks constantly and rarely takes a breath? It is generally unanimous: the thoughtful listener wins!
With that person you thought of in mind, let’s discuss HOW we can become better listeners and WHY it will positively impact our world & work. The how is not all that easy. Developing good listening skills requires two things: one; we honestly recognize where we are on the good listener scale and begin to evaluate ourselves and two; we break old listening habits that are not working and establish new ones that enhance our ability to communicate and learn.
Recognizing our hindering listening skills requires the help of trusted colleagues and friends. These must be people from whom we can hear criticism. Rarely do we realize on our own that we are not listening. Ask these trusted people to evaluate your listening skills. Do they feel heard by you? Do they feel you value their input, ideas and stories? Ask them both: why they do feel heard and valued and why not. Have you ever played the child’s game of Simon Says? It is all about listening.
One habit that may be recognized as hindering listening, especially when we are nervous, perhaps in an interview, might be that of finding ourselves thinking of how we will respond to the speaker instead of truly listening. We are so worried about our intelligent response that we can often completely miss what is being said. Another hindering habit is thinking of a similar story that we can relate. This often comes across as one-up-manship. Can you relate to a time when you told a pretty good story or offered an insight, only to have your “listener” immediately tell a bigger story? When that happens, there can be a sense that the listener does not really care about us, or what we have to share, but they are concerned only about themselves. Usually this is NOT the listener’s intension, but it can easily be understood in that negative manner.
Becoming a good listener is to evaluate ourselves with help from trusted friends, create awareness, and replace old habits with listening for the many aspects of what a person is trying to communicate. You will be amazed by what you can learn if you truly listen and observe with all of your faculties “Heart, Mind, Body, & Spirit”.
Once you have discovered some of your listening traps, start your self-awareness campaign. When you notice yourself thinking of a response instead of listening, stop yourself mentally and open your ears, heart and mind to what is being said. Realize that a good listener will be valued for taking a moment to consider what is being said and responding thoughtfully, and perhaps not immediately.
Now here is the WHY: It is more often in OUR best interest to have truly heard the information and to respond more slowly and thoughtfully. Think of times when you have said yes, committing yourself to a responsibility, and moments later could have kicked yourself for agreeing. What about being in an interview situation. Have you emerged from an interview and could not think of anything that they told you? You spent your energy telling them about yourself and probably selling yourself, but did you hear them? Do you have enough information to make a careful decision about accepting a position if they ask you? There are so many job seekers that do not listen and end up in a position that solves their problem of unemployment but they are underemployed, frustrated and unhappy. The same can apply to the opposite side of the desk with interviewers. Often, we tell the potential employee everything about the position and the person that should fill it and never really get to know who the candidate is and whether they will truly be a good match for the position and the company.
The WHY is about us. When we are good listeners we can have our minds opened to new ideas, we can learn fascinating things about the people around us allowing us to attract and create valuable connections and relationships, we can make more informed and thoughtful decisions. We have two ears and one mouth for very good reasons!
We can learn from the Native American “talking stick” that the words we use should be sacred as they create our world. Fewer words spoken in wisdom is better, so “shut your mouth and listen”, it is the quiet warrior that wins the war or get’s the game.
Coaches Challenge:
Put together a team of trusted colleagues to discover your listening quotient. Create self-awareness around your listening. Try this acronym: WAIT. Why Am I Talking ?
I am still working on practicing what I preach with truly listening in all contexts of my life (funny how often I forget this skill when with family). It takes practice and diligence to change.
Best of Luck
Love & Light
Kevin Brough
www.thebridgerecoverycenter.com
www.dtcoaching.com